If you haven't read this story, I'll wait.
Done?
Here goes. This is a bad idea.
My heart was not warmed. Still isn't. My reaction, then, you might ask?
"Fuck that."
Really?
Yup. "Fuck that."
What kind of jerk...
Great question. I wondered that myself. About myself. Because that was what the middle of me thought of that story. And the more I read, the more I thought about it, the more disgusted I became.
Disgusted? With the girl? Definitely a jerk, then. With the town? What's wrong with you?
More great questions. Allow me:
Assuming you were educated in the United States during your teens, how do you remember your high school homecoming court being chosen? By merit? Minimum GPA, participation in clubs, volunteering, extracurricular interests, athletic prowess? No, me neither. It was popularity.
| popularity - the quality of being widely admired or accepted or sought after |
Somehow, the desire to preserve tradition has left generations of educators unable or unwilling to stop the process of allowing students to rank themselves on the most pointless, limiting, and irrelevant of factors.
Attractiveness, wealth (i.e. ability to own nice things, support nice parties), and the ability to speak only in words and phrases common enough not to arouse suspicion of independent thought.
As an unsupervised process, free from all faculty oversight or direction, the selection of homecoming court members usually results in nothing more harmful than an opportunity for students to determine which of their peers are most likely to acquire, at best, the most superficial acquaintances or, at worst, an unwanted pregnancy. However, as this story indicates, a class of students with an overabundance of boredom, malice, or both can choose to do something more devious and hurtful.
At this point, when shown the intentions of their students, the teachers and principal decide to let the nominations stand. For one of only two reasons: either they have no idea as to the social standing of these children and don't recognize that something has gone awry. Or, they are aware of the reasons for this girl's nomination and don't feel they have the authority step in and provide a correction. I'm not sure which is worse, but I'm leaning towards the former.
In either case, as the underlying motivation became clear, they stuck with the course of non-interference, instead allowing the students to police themselves via social networking sites, and ultimately abrogating responsibility for a solution to the larger community.
So, following the example set by thousands of teensploitation movies and the Disney happiness factory, the citizens of this small town decided they would solve the twin problems of shyness and unpopularity with a makeover and a forced celebration.
The story went viral, first around the town, then the internet. Offers of free dresses, dinners, limos, prettification, and even escorts all came flooding in. Even though no one knew who this girl was. Proof, if it is required, that this was all about our hurt feelings. Not hers.
Well so what? If it highlights bullying and the dangers of cliques, then good. If people want to help her out, then so what?
Help her out. Okay. Who is she again? Just a girl. Just a student. A victim of bullies. Certainly not the only one at that school. The only thing special about her situation is that we all decided to care. Which is not to say that that is a bad thing. But what are we doing with all of that energy, all of those resources? Is it helpful to her situation to say that she should definitely get her hair and nails done? Is it helpful to force the rest of her class to celebrate her, whether or not they really want to? There is a private court of student opinion that will exist long after the dance ends. Its easy to think that just like on TV, she'll be raised on our shoulders, a Maroon 5 song will play, and the credits will roll. Maybe even rapidly on half the screen while the other half blares an advertisement for another show about Peri Gilpin starting a synchronized swim team in the Sudan.
Point is, pretending that simply "taking back" homecoming for all of us that have been bullied is short-sighted and reductive. And selfish. Her story became about all of "us" who've been subjected to the focused ridicule of our peers.
What lessons will this girl take away? That other people have been bullied, yes. That there is a larger community outside of the popular kids, yes. That she is worthy of respect, of course. But also, that Homecoming still matters, that a true celebration of an individual's worth comes with a fancy dinner, a limo ride, and a makeover.
With all of the bullying that undoubtedly will still continue in that school, what resources will remain to help those victims? After all the effort spent to make one child (and of course, ourselves) feel better, what do we have to say to the rest of the victims? If the contributions and energy we're prepared to marshal in defense of the helpless is spent on one pointless event, with no larger campaign or support for all other potential victims, what do we say to the next hopeless teenager?
Too bad they don't celebrate Homecoming in Canada.
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